Clomid again

So, it's clomid again. My DR won't allow me to do anything more aggressive because he is requesting the hysteroscopy this cycle. He made a good point when he said it would be an expensive waste should something come up on the exam. So, I took 5 days of clomid starting on cycle day 3. By the last day I was feeling a little bit of action, but nothing significant. I had my hysteroscopy completed on Tuesday and it was PERFECT. It just took a long while for him to make it through my cervix with the camera. He said it was the most difficult exam he has ever done. Nice huh? After the exam, they let me have my ultrasound done instead of coming back first thing in the morning. I really appreciated that. On my right ovary there are 4 decent follicles that were larger than they expected at the time. 12.5, 10.5 and 10. I had a few promising ones like this last time, but they didn't grow and then one on the opposite side shot up and was perfect sized. So, we will see. I have a re-check tomorrow morning, but don't know what it will be!! We'll have to wait and see!

One foot in front of the other...

I am trying to move forward! I still haven't cried since my run. I am holding up surprisingly well emotionally. However, my thoughts are continuously wondering throughout the entire day from IVF to pregnancy to how unfair this is. One of my friends that is going through the exact same diagnosis and procedures said to me that we are going to write a book together when this is through. I just can't wait for the day that I can put this behind me. I want the chance to do IVF so badly, but I want to feel like I have put in effort for the less costly options. I just don't want to play this game of chance every cycle. Yes, I know that IVF is not guaranteed, but the odds are much better than my regular monthly cycles. And as long as I have plenty of eggs retrieved, subsequent cycles would be relatively inexpensive. I went back to the doctor yesterday and they did an ultra sound to check my follicles and lining for a baseline to start over. I have to schedule a hysteroscopy so they will not let me try injectables this round. The reasoning made sense. IF they were to find something wrong during the uterus exam they would possibly cancel the cycle and injectables would be an expensive waste. So, they started me on 150 mgs of clomid last night. I'm taking it days 3-7 and then I have an ultrasound scheduled for the 14th. I have yet to schedule the hysteroscopy because they do not have any available times next week that I could make it to. There was not much of an option. I keep thinking IVF during Spring Break or Summer.

Spring Break
Potential due date in November
Would still have a potential child this year.

Summer
Potential due date in January, February, March or April, MY choice.
All summer off to rest for the first couple months of a potential pregnancy.

I just keep thinking that if I am going to plan it all out then I should shoot for summer to give myself the target birth that I originally wanted, but that would require me to put it off for several months and that is time that I just don't want to lose! Oh boy.

The unwanted arrival...

AF arrived this morning full steam. No signs of spotting or anything before CD1. I am relieved that this cycle is finally over and we can start something fresh, but of course it didn't turn out the way that I wanted. This same cycle has been going since sometime in November. It feels like forever. I have only had two cycles since September. Hopefully this one will be quicker with injectables rather than clomid. Can't wait to get cooking!! Should have a CD3 appointment either Tuesday or Wednesday.

A very GOOD run

I didn't have the strength to come on and document that my Beta was negative. I knew it would be. I did not feel anything. I did not get any hint of a line. No matter how many magnifying glasses I used or how many different lights I shined and changed the direction tilting and twirling that stupid stick. It was as negative as it could get and I was feeling much the same way. So much for the last hope of thinking that I could have been pregnant over Christmas. Now, I am waiting for AF and not looking forward to the arrival. I sit and wait. We'll know next week what we are going to try next. I was crushed. I thought I would be okay because I already "knew", but there is always that glimmer of hope. I ran my little legs ragged. They are so sore today. I can hardly move them up or down. I haven't cried since my run. It felt so good. This next cycle I am going to live my life and I am going to RUN my life along. It does not feel good to gain weight when there is nothing good to come of it.

and STILL negative

DH got me up when he was leaving for work to test with him before he left. Still negative. I went in for my Beta today. Basically, I am forced to confirm what I already know. I am putting my running shoes on and just waiting for the call.

Still Negative

So, I have been testing every morning since day 7. On day 6 I tested at night to confirm the HCG was out of my system, I got a negative. On days 7 and 8, I tested in the morning and got slight positives. I was so excited on day 7 until I realized it was fading on day 8. Definitely was leftover HCG from my trigger shot. Today is day 10 past ovulation, if I ovulated on Saturday. If I ovulated on Sunday then today is day 9. Very negative this morning.

TWW

I'm officially in the two week wait. I also joined the TWW club online. Fascinating stuff. If you haven't been there before http://www.twoweekwait.com/community/index.php everything you could possibly need while you are waiting. People post pictures of their tests and compare charts. Unbelieveable. We tested last night with a dollar store test to make sure there are not any HcG reminents left in my system. There are not. We were very negative. So, tomorrow morning I will start testing daily. Also, FYI dollar store tests are really much better than I thought. I kept reading about them online and talking to friends that say they are good. It was so much better than I thought it was going to be. I can't imagine ever buying expensive ones again. Maybe just to confirm a BFP if I were to get one :)